Welcome reader! Today, we are bringing you a satire of a sort. Only those in this game who have been in it longer understand and realize why this is not something you should do. A combination of ridiculous information, claims, and unrealistic portraits of business owners has done a lot of damage to those who aspire to become business owners. The goal of this should be for you to realize that if you are in the same position or find yourself in any part of this satire - you have work to do.
Average Day
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5:30am: David Goggins told you this was the way to do it even if you had slept 4 hours. Why? Because the night before, you stayed awake until 1am eating Tacos from local fast food and watching Netflix.
6:00am: After spending 30 minutes in bed scrolling TikTok and Instagram - watching clips of people asking others what jobs they have so that they can afford luxury cars. You find the willpower to do what you promised yourself 30 minutes ago. You are eating a breakfast that is full of sugar.
6:15am: Because you are more intelligent than anyone else - you are doing what others are not. Before heading out to work, you must finalize your business model. The decision process took over six months because you could not decide which to pick. Your job revolves around e-commerce. Still, you are considering creating an Instagram theme page, creating YouTube shorts out of videos, contract stacking, dropshipping, and SaaS. All those internet profiles convinced you they are great models even if you do not have any experience in any of them or they are glorified jobs.
7:15am: After considering all the pros and cons. You have decided to stick to Instagram theme pages. You always had a creative side and saw this business opportunity as great. You are thinking: "How good a business model this is when I can just post three posts daily with downloaded pictures from the internet". It was never easier to be a business owner - you are thinking to yourself.
7:30am: While getting ready for work, you remind yourself how lucky you are to work in the marketing department of an e-commerce company - there are no dress code rules. You are wearing a baggy hoodie and half-ripped jeans and heading to the station to catch a train to the office. Only you and another colleague who has not gotten promoted in 7 years come to the office dressed like that - developing a special bond over it.
7:50am: The train should have been here 10 minutes ago, but it's late. It's good that you have your headphones and have downloaded four podcasts on business and founders - like you knew it would happen.
8:40am: After listening to the podcast, you have new business ideas and new angles to look into. Maybe an Instagram page is not right for you, you are wondering. Raising capital for others sounds interesting, but you are not 100% on it because it just reminds you that you don't have enough knowledge. There is nothing that a course or a few YouTube videos can’t help with. Having zero clue you are participating in the digital rat race.
9:00am: You arrive at your office building, but the elevator is not working. While walking nine floors, you remind yourself to do cardio more often instead of once a month.
9:05am: It takes you a few minutes to get to the reception - you are out of breath as you enter. It seems like everyone is already working or came up early. It never made much sense why people came earlier to prepare for the day.
9:10am: The guy you hate from sales who got promoted recently is talking with a group of people from your department, and everyone is laughing. You have heard he is not the best performer multiple times, yet he gets promotions like no one else - he must know something others don’t.
9:30am: Brain fog is still there even though you have already drunk the two coffees. Not realizing that it is the late-night tacos and poor sleep that heavy food causes you.
9:40am: While waiting for your senior to finish the call and give you more work. You take a few minutes to review your business plan once again. Your domain list has come down to 7 different options, and you are still calculating which option will save you money. You found the right one, and the calculation saves you $11 yearly. After spending 9 hours on the research and the decision, you conclude it was a good deal.
10:00am: Given a new task to finish, you remind yourself how much you hate this job and what else you would instead do. Consider all other roles and how to risk more to achieve what you want. Unfortunately, you remind yourself that you can’t quit it… Huge debt created by degeneracy you did in your early 20s and the lifestyle traps you have found yourself in.
12:00pm: Time for lunch. You catch a quick lunch with your work colleagues. Everyone talks about the new Netflix show you caught last night while eating Tacos. You lead the conversation as you binge-watch everything - even the series that came out a few days ago. You choose to eat at McDonald's even though you plan on cutting down on body fat, and you knew that meal prep instead of Netflix yesterday would have made more sense. Post lunch, you are feeling bloated and sleepy.
1:00pm: Back to the office. You plan to put in the maximum effort until 4pm and take it slower until you have to leave. This leaves you with an hour of free time to do things you want to and check the list of important things before starting your business adventure.
1:30pm: You ask yourself why you didn’t watch that Python video on automating boring tasks and saving time. Today’s plan doesn’t include watching those videos, so understand that you must lose 30 minutes of your time again tomorrow.
2:00pm: After 30 minutes of manual work, you are done. The clock is ticking, and you only have an hour more to take care of the ads. Analyzing the A/B testing you did earlier, you realize you have a winner ad and plan to use it. It is time to put it into action.
3:00pm: A senior position in your department has just opened up, but you are not confident in getting it. You decide not to apply because you feel that corporate life is too hard and you lack the required technical skills, not realizing that corporate etiquette is not about technical skills.
4:00pm: As promised, it is 4:00pm, so you will take it easy - you did a lot of work today. Effectively, three hours is more than most employees do in their corporate jobs.
5:00pm: Out of the office - you are ready to start your business adventure. On your way home, you are scrolling through Twitter and notice a few more interesting business models you want to check out deeper. Crypto trading looks interesting, and Amazon FBA makes so much sense. Both are worth looking into, you say to yourself.
5:45pm: Arriving at your home. You have nothing ready to eat, so you eat a candy bar and spend a few minutes texting your friends - explaining that you can't hang out tonight because you already have plans.
6:00pm: Feeling tired, but you promised yourself you would not take it easy today. A few minutes on the couch should be more than enough…
6:10pm: After lying on the couch for a few minutes, you take a midday nap. Why? This will give you energy and provide you with clarity. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.
6:40pm: The alarm goes off, and thirty minutes have passed. The brain fog has not passed, and you drink another coffee while listening to motivational videos on YouTube.
7:00pm: Those motivational videos did their thing, and you are pumped up - it's time to start your business. What are you starting with? Domain. Luckily, you had time on your 9 to 5 to find your answers - you are set on the provider. While doing so you remember one more thing. You forgot to choose the name of the business.
7:30pm: After 30 minutes of brainstorming, you still haven't chosen the domain name and name of the business - the choice came down to three names. Yet, there is no time for a domain name. It’s time to head to the gym.
7:40pm: You head to the gym for a light session to get the blood flowing so you think better afterward. During your training, you listen to another podcast to spark your imagination about how many business models there are.
8:00pm: Taking a few minutes out of your training. Scrolling through Twitter, you see the Lambo and Rolex combination you always dreamt of having. After doing some research, you click on the link in the bio and are presented with the new business model - affiliate. What if running theme pages wastes time, and you are better off going affiliate?
8:30pm: Heading home after the gym, ready to start your business. The gym gave you a few ideas you can use for your domain. However, what about the business model? Raising capital sounds fun, but that guy who drives Lambo said affiliate marketing is better. Your idea from the morning? Instagram theme pages. Hard choices. More so when you remember you still have to buy the domain.
8:40pm: Another problem is that you can't buy a domain if you don’t know what business model you will run. Imagine having the domain instagramlifestyleyouwant, but you raise the capital for the other businesses - worse if you go the affiliate route.
9:00pm: A bit of overthinking on domains, domain names, and business models that you are supposed to start today because you have promised yourself. You are ready to eat dinner. The panic of realizing that day has passed, and you still don't have the solution.
9:15pm: Maybe you just had a hard day and need a break. One YouTube video of a day in the life of a 21 year-old multimillionaire will motivate you and provide you with better ideas. Everyone says that the best ideas come when you are not under pressure.
9:45pm: The video just finished, and you feel motivated again.
9:50pm: After thinking, you decide to stick with the affiliate as a business model. You want that Lambo, which must be one way to get it. Reading a bit into affiliates, you are now set on finding the niche you will push to the others.
10:10pm: Gambling, crypto, betting, sweepstakes. Where to start? You are asking yourself… What is the easiest money you are thinking of yourself? That Lambo won’t buy itself. Not realizing what it takes to run that kind of campaign and that money is often spent on boring stuff.
10:30pm: Since you are not set on what industry you want to participate in, you decided not to buy a domain today but some other day once you have an industry and place to drive traffic to. It is time to dig further into the industries and one that will make you the most money with the least input. Trying to maximize your efficiency.
11:00pm: After pirating three courses and downloading a few PDFs from Twitter. Being more confused than ever before. You are almost sure you want to do affiliate marketing but do not know what industry to choose - entering another overthinking phase. Plus, you reminded yourself of how important the logo is and its importance to your brand, promising to come up with the mock tomorrow.
11:15pm: You use a daily journal to clear your head and improve your performance. Mention everything you have done today and how hard you have worked. Promising yourself tomorrow is the day you will have answers to all your questions and the industry you want to participate in.
11:40pm: After deciding to sleep early tonight… You are thinking about what kind of a good move you have made instead of raising capital or creating the Instagram theme page as you almost did. Thinking that tomorrow is the day you will do everything you promised. Find the industry you want to operate in, figure out the domain name, buy the domain, create a logo, and start working on your dreams. Everything that you were supposed to do… Today.
Conclusion: If you find yourself anywhere in this satire… Realize you must change your actions. This is one of the best examples of how most people waste their precious time by not executing. We are leaving you with a quote from the legendary Felix Dennis.
The one thing that sets successful entrepreneurs apart is not necessarily intelligence, education, or talent, but the willingness to execute an idea and work tirelessly until it succeeds. - Felix Dennis
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Love how this was fresh yet also an amalgamation of heavy hitters from your previous work. Great post.